Most single ladies can collectively agree that the dating pool has a little pee in it. While dating as a single woman can be freeing, empowering, and fun as you relish in the novelty of meeting a new bae, it can quickly become daunting if you’re solely relying on the apps to find love — this is especially true if you’re an introvert.
As an introverted single woman who has turned to dating apps as a solve for finding love in a new city, the swiping fatigue is real. And like a true introvert, the task of keeping up with multiple message threads with different guys has left me feeling more drained than invigorated. I’ve been through the download, date, and delete cycle of the apps more times than I can count.
And it turns out they’re not breeding the same success for single Black women. Stories have been cropping up online about dating app algorithms being inherently discriminatory. One TikTok user claimed that after changing her race to white on Hinge, she received more matches overnight. Journalist Jamilah Lemieux tried this same experiment, and told The Cut that she was presented with men who were, “more handsome and better educated and who had better jobs than those who usually showed up in my search results” almost immediately.
Now don’t get me wrong — dating apps aren’t categorically bad. In fact, many of our Bridal Bliss couples found love at first swipe. But if you’ve been swiping for months with no success, it might be a glaring sign that it’s time for you to add an in–person touch to your dating life. These days, I daydream of meeting my future husband rom-com style: He accidentally bumps into me at a café, I drop my books, and we bend down to pick them up right before locking eyes in a romantic gaze. But alas, life is no rom-com. And after speaking with dating expert and entrepreneur Chika Uwazie, the answer to finding love as an introvert, she says, involves a healthy dose of intentionality. Uwazie says the winning formula is to be in spaces that enrich your life, and as an added bonus, will be filled with like-minded individuals.
If you’re a fellow introvert, or just looking to spice up your dating life, Uwazie recommends these five low-pressure but highly purposeful places to find love (unplugged).
Get Dolled up for a Solo Date
It may seem like a cliché, but taking yourself out on a solo date is the best way to rub elbows with other singles. This doesn’t always mean putting on your fiercest shade of red lipstick, your pointiest stiletto, and sashaying to the swankiest bar in town on a Friday night. It could also mean packing up your laptop and working on your passion project at a cute coffee shop, or taking yourself to brunch at a new restaurant you’ve wanted to try. Not only do solo dates build your confidence, but they also create an excellent opportunity for you to be seen and approached. “Men have this pressure of thinking they may get rejected, especially if you’re among a group of women,” says Uwazie. “So you remove the pressure of that when you’re by yourself.” She says you’ll be a magnet for a new mate if you’re dressed the part. “If you have a nice smile, you’re wearing something that looks nice, and you’re smelling good, all those things could be small signals to a guy that you’re someone he can approach and have a conversation with.”
Put On Your Game Face at a Sporting Event
You may not know the faintest thing about sports, and that’s ok. You don’t have to know Jalen Hurts’ stats like the back of your hand to benefit from the social buzz of attending a game. Whether you’re out in the parking lot tailgating with a drink in hand or high-fiving the person next to you after your team scores, there’s no place quite like a big game or match to spark a vibe with the perfect stranger. Uwazie says you can even take it a step further by joining a local league if there’s a sport you love or want to get good at, which will help you connect with other singles and help you stay active and build an extension of your community. “I used to play flag football, and I know at least three married couples [from there] that met their husbands through a sporting activity — bowling, softball, CrossFit, you name it,” she says. “Again, it’s low pressure because you’re going there for [an activity], you’re doing something for yourself, and there may be the benefit of you meeting your husband.”
Boss Up at a Business Conference
One of Uwazie’s most recommended IRL playgrounds for introverted women to find love is business conferences — specifically ones held by the Black business associations at institutions like Wharton and Harvard. “Everyone’s going there to learn, and they always have a gala at the end of the night. So again, I think it’s a great place where you just casually may connect with someone, or it could lead to something romantic.” Of course, we can’t mention finding love at conferences without noting AfroTech: an annual conference for Black professionals and entrepreneurs in the tech space that’s become a hot spot for Black singles to meet (it has even yielded a few viral love stories). Uwazie and her husband host an intimate singles mixer for their dating club Legacy during AfroTech weekend each year. While she agrees that the event is an ideal place for Black women to plant themselves amongst a pool of successful and driven Black men, she cautions women about going for the sole purpose of meeting one. “Men will feel the desperation, and it’s a turn off,” she says. “A lot of those men are genuinely going there for the networking. Maybe they’re raising funding for their startup, or maybe they’re looking for a specific engineering position. So ideally you are going to AfroTech because you generally want to go there to network [in the same way].”
Collect Passport Stamps With a Solo Trip
Nothing makes an introvert come alive quite like spending time alone. So in the same vein as solo dates, solo trips present an even better way to connect with singles worldwide. Whether you happen to lock eyes with a cutie in the airport lounge, or strike up conversation with a local in a far away city, there are limitless ways to meet your match while solo traveling. Even if you happen to be on a group trip with the homies and need time to clear your head, Uwazie says, “You could just go down to the hotel lobby where the bar is and grab yourself a drink and enjoy your own time.” Again, the idea here is to make indulging in fun and discovery the main goal, and new romantic connections will be the byproduct of you living your best life.
Take Up a New Hobby or Learn a New Skill
Some people say love comes to us when we least expect it. Others believe it’s our job to go out and find it. According to Uwazie, the answer is simply to leave your house. Maybe you’ve always wanted to take a ceramics class, or beef up your skills in the kitchen with a cooking course. Maybe it looks like you signing up to learn a new language so you can finally become fluent in Spanish. Wherever your passions lie, taking up a new side quest will get you out of the house and into an environment where like-minded folks are gathered. Your husband may not be in a class rolling out pasta dough with you, but it could lead to lasting friendships (and a chance to be introduced to a new set of good-looking and single friends).
