As married couples, have you ever thought about getting tested for STIs? While the topic might seem spicy or controversial, we should discuss it. According to recent studies, more Black women (50%) than white women (28%) reported a lifetime STD, proving a significant disparity.
According to Beverley Andre, a relationship expert, married couples should get tested for STIs, especially if they’ve had previous sexual partners. She believes it’s the best health practice and should be a part of a person’s overall health routine, just like an annual check-up. But how do you approach this topic with your partner? “Broaching this topic can be awkward because it could make someone feel like their fidelity is being questioned. Society does associate testing for STIs/STDs as an indicator of unfaithfulness. It’s important to note that even though someone has married if there were any previous sexual partners or encounters, they could have been exposed and may have been undiagnosed,” she tells ESSENCE. “Getting tested can help identify infections even when symptoms are absent. Knowing that there is a risk for someone to feel uncomfortable or even defensive, if you’re going to have the conversation, make sure that you and your partner are emotionally ready.”
She suggests starting the conversation from an emotionally heightened place, which can escalate the conversation faster. Share your thoughts and feelings and convey that the focus is on both your health by using words like “us” and “we” instead of “you.”
Additionally, relationship and sex expert Dr. Jacqueline Sherman believes that your sexual health is your responsibility, “Truth be told, it does not matter how long you have been married; your body ultimately belongs to you, and it’s your job to protect it. This is why getting tested is essential, regardless if you have tied the knot. The CDC recommends that anyone engaging in sexual behavior, including individuals in long-term “monogamous” relationships, should get tested annually for STIs,” she says.
Sherman continues, “As with many other health disparities, Black Women are at higher risk for contracting STIs. According to research from the CDC, Black women were five times more likely to report having chlamydia compared to White women and 6.9 times more likely to report having gonorrhea. Additionally, Black people accounted for 42% of 35,801 new HIV diagnoses in the US in 2019. For Black women, 91% of the aforementioned diagnoses resulted from heterosexual contact.”
Also, getting tested for STIs might be good if you consider expanding your family. “STIs can impact your fertility and future family planning. It is essential to prioritize your reproductive health, and regular STI testing is the first step. STI testing ensures that you and your partner can become aware of untreated past infections. This will give you the best chance of successfully becoming pregnant,” she said.
Here’s how you can broach the conversation with your partner, according to Dr. Sherman:
Become Medically Informed: Build your confidence by learning about STIs and testing options. Conversing with your gynecologist about why getting tested is essential, regardless of your relationship status, is important. The ongoing conversations that you’re having about your sexual health should always include your healthcare provider.
Help Your Partner Buy-In: The communication techniques below can make this uncomfortable conversation less challenging.
Start with a compliment: Let your partner know what you enjoy most about the intimacy and sex you’re experiencing with them (e.g., “I enjoy the new things we have been trying in the bedroom. I feel safe with you!”)
Share your why: Inform your partner why getting tested is crucial for you and your marriage. (e.g., “One thing I was reminded recently is how important it is to get tested for STIs. My doctor told me it’s possible for someone to be carrying an STI from years ago and be asymptomatic. Since sexual health is essential to both of us, we should be getting tested during annual exams.”)
Get buy-in: Ask your partner for their thoughts and input so the choice feels collaborative. (For example, “I know this isn’t something we have discussed in our marriage before, but it is important to me. I am interested in hearing your thoughts. Would you be open to discussing it further?”
