The cries of domestic violence echo throughout our media as well as our world. One then needs to stop, ask and make the inference that it is the crisis of masculinity that sits at the helm of our struggles. A crisis that is rooted in cowardice, delusion and a fundamental failure of moral leadership among its men.
Let us dispense the niceties. Gender based violence is a male-made problem. Some may argue the complexities but the statistics would show that the majority of rapes, beatings, murders and psychological assaults inflicted upon women in this country are carried out by men. As a man myself, I am deeply saddened that this is our truth. No matter, the strength of the few can seek to guide and change the masses.
We must first reject the notion, a convenient one at that, that men do not know better. They do. These heinous acts are done by men who calculate every blow, every threat and act of intimidation. They function in the public with restraint but unleash terror in private, shamefully some in public. Deliberate domination. Domination in the wrong areas I must say. The issue is not that these men are inherently violent but rather they actively choose violence as an outlet. Violence over accountability, control over cooperation and brute force over common sense. That’s a pitiful and shameful display of strength.
Too many men adopt the stance of the spectator. They are quick to share slogans when a woman is murdered but remain quite mute when their friends brag about ‘disciplining’ a partner or preying on younger girls. The silence of the bystander is like armour for the abuser. It is time for men to stop hiding behind these childish excuses. Poverty does not cause you to beat your wife. Alcohol does not make you rape someone. Seeing a nicely dressed female does not give the right to sexually molest her.
While there might be no side quest this week, mostly because I was swamped with work and too occupied to be observant, you can be confident I have solutions to this problem, instead of the status quo of Guyanese to just harp about the problem.
Firstly, emotional control. Can you imagine being a man of substance and character and having a female, with her words, elicit an act of violence from you? Shameful. It therefore means, the individual has very little or no emotional control. Emotional control is not the burial of these emotions but rather feeling them like an ordinary human being and choosing to not act upon them or even to channel them differently. Walk away, go for a walk, listen to some calming music, meditate, journal your feelings, vent to a friend, talk to your partner respectfully about it. Not hit her like some neanderthal. We need to educate men on how to master their emotions, which would apply to the work place as well. Not to lust over their colleagues or even harass them sexually. This stance is independent of the female’s behaviour and her type of woman, but that is something we can discuss in another article.
Secondly, being grounded in principles. There’s nothing worse than a man without principles. Principles keep us sane and grounded in times of crisis and dispute. The mental fortitude to not raise your hand against a woman. There’s much better places to enact certain testosterone fueled activities like the bedroom, but keep it respectful in the public and aim for a healthy relationship. I will share a few of my grounding principles.
1. Quality or Quantity? Choose both
2. Do not raise your hand against a
female unless its self-defence
3. Avoid emotional outbursts
4. Never make a decision based on emotion
5. The body is a physical represen-
tation of your mind and work ethic
6. Be kind, humble, caring and light.
7. Let ego thrive, for nothing great
is accomplished without it.
Lastly, it is critical for us to mentor the younger generation and confront the older. It’s very difficult to mould an older tree but its much simpler to groom a younger tree. As the gents of today, we need to mold our younger boys into gentlemen. Teaching them the innate values of masculinity. To provide and protect not to harm and take away. Simultaneously, we must also hold the older men accountable for their actions. Let them admit that they were irrational, unjust and a pathetic bag of crying emotions that decided to hit their women instead of the 100 other viable forms of resolutions.
This is a two-pronged attack to a generational problem. I cannot do this alone. We must come together to form a community that advocates, groom and hold our men to a higher standard. A higher standard. Gentlemen of poise, posture, stature, character, resilience, discipline, virtuous and I can go on and on. I will reiterate. Keep your emotions in check and never allow a woman to elicit a physical response from you with her words or actions unless it is self-defence by law.