Experiencing gaslighting from a loved one or a stranger can be a traumatizing experience. If it happens often enough, your confidence, memory, mental health, and emotional well-being can quickly become eroded.
Psychology Today defines gaslighting as an insidious form of manipulation and psychological control, causing its victims to question their reality as they are systematically fed false information that leads them to ask what they know to be accurate, often about themselves. They may end up doubting their memory, perception, and even sanity. The gaslighter’s manipulations can grow, making it hard for the victim to see the truth. Gaslighting is a type of psychological abuse where the abuser tries to make the victim doubt; the abuser does this by distorting reality, lying, denying, and making the victim question their judgment and intuition. However, after experiencing gaslighting repeatedly, you can build resilience and tools to combat it. Dominique Mortier, associate therapist Bloom Psychology & Wellness, shares, “Gaslighting is a form of invalidation that denies, dismisses, or rejects someone else’s reality.”
She continues, “This leads to the person questioning their perspective, emotions, or interpretations of their experience. Over time, gaslighting can lead to folks not trusting themselves and questioning their decisions. It can also increase negative self-talk and feelings of shame.”
Here are a few things to consider when trying to build resilience after repeated gaslighting, according to Mortier:
- Reminding yourself that your emotions are valid and are often trying to give you more information on your experience so that you can respond appropriately while honoring these feelings.
- Establishing boundaries for yourself and with others allows you to feel safe in your relationships.
- Recognizing when you are experiencing emotional discomfort and implementing self-compassion. An easy way to think of self-compassion is by recalling how you would respond to a suffering friend and responding to yourself similarly. This also means being mindful of judgemental or critical statements towards yourself.
- Check the facts. Be curious about if your responses are valid or invalid. For example, if I am feeling frustrated, it is valid to state that it is challenging to continue a conversation. However, yelling or dismissing the other person would not be valid.
- Remember that you cannot control other people’s responses, emotions, or thoughts. But you can control how you respond and act toward others.
- Seek support from others who will validate your experience. This person may be curious, nonjudgmental, and considerate.
